God looks at the Cross

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 23-04-2011

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Love in the Deity stretches conceptions of men;
Love seems not love which permits our full measure of hate.
Promise of judgment in ages beyond seems too late.
Where is God’s love when the wretched are wretched again?
Holiness absolute stands far removed from our ken,
Either its brightness so alien it seems to frustrate,
Blindingly brilliant, or else its glories abate,
Fading in midst as the distance seems to much to mend.
   One place remains where this love and holiness meet,
   Mingling in poetic measures with no verbal dross.
   Symbol of holiness pure, justice without defeat,
   Coupled with unbounded love, stands the stark, ugly cross.

Lord God of hosts, in the worship surrounding your throne
Questions once clamouring give place to hushed homage alone.

The most staggering commission the Father gives to the Son is to go to the cross to redeem a race of rebels. And the Son knows that is the commission given him: Jesus came, he insists, not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). But knowledge of the commission he had received did not make obedience easy. Gethsemane and the cross were faced with an agony of intercession, characterized by the repeated petition, ‘Yet not what I will but what you will’ (Mark 14:36).

Thus the cross for Jesus was not only the means by which he sacrificed himself, the just for the unjust, to bring us to God, but also the high point of his unqualified obedience to his heavenly Father. That point is alluded to in the passage before us: ‘And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!’ (Phil 2:3).

A living hope

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 21-03-2011

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1 Peter 1 addresses all Christians, especially those who are suffering, and mention that we can have joy because we have a living hope. It got me thinking because I seem to have no joy and no hope. There have been times when I simply wish that I will not wake up, or that I will be knocked down by a car. It has become a despondency in which I sink deeper and deeper by the week. When I thought I was almost out of it, I find myself totally covered with mud. I wasted the whole of my afternoon yesterday doing nothing because I was so handicapped by my misery. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t stop crying. I can’t even pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me any more. I just know I hate this life, and that there’s no way out. To go back to Singapore is not an option. Neither do I want to stay on further. Nothing appeals to me. It is cold and my hands are always icy cold. I can’t concentrate long because of that. The draft problem in my room can’t even be solved properly because the builder only fixed half of it and the landlord doesn’t seem to want to do anything further. There is no hope for me. No one cares anyway. I have sat in school and cried countless times. I still can’t bring myself to buy a ticket home. I don’t want to be a burden or someone of high maintenance to others. I just want to give up.

Adieu to 2010

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 01-01-2011

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I must say that 2010 has been a fantastic year for me. Great friendship at ORPC, a job that provided satisfaction and paid well, and lots of happy times with my family. Although I didn’t really count, but I suspect that I read more than 12 new books this year, which is not a bad number for growth and intellectual stimulation.

Now in London, everything will start all over again, just like the beginning of 2010. I pray that I may continue all the precious friendship back in Singapore, and that the PhD will be one of purpose for me. May I also draw closer to the Lord in London too.

Thank God for a fantastic view to see fireworks from my windows. It’s beautiful and I can only thank Him for His provisions.

Letting go

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 16-09-2010

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Well, I have come to a point where I have decided that I will leave quietly, without fanfare. I’m not going to ask for any last farewell meal any more. It doesn’t make sense to as there is no point making myself upset when people turn down invitations to meet me for the last time.

Whatever meals that came or will come along the way, I thank God.

I’m especially thankful to Yuet Meng and Glenda for all the love they have shown me.

Quoteworthy

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 24-05-2010

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There are many who seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge: that is curiosity. There are others who desire to know in order that they may be known: that is vanity. Others seek knowledge in order to sell it: that is dishonorable. But there are some who seek knowledge in order to edify others: that is love [caritas].
St. Bernard of Clarvaux

The point of Christian scholarship is not recognition by standards established in the wider culture. The point is to praise God with the mind. Such efforts will lead to the kind of intellectual integrity that sometimes receives recognition. But for the Christian that recognition is only a fairly inconsequential by-product. The real point is valuing what God has made, believing that the creation is as “good” as he said it was, and exploring the fullest dimensions of what is meant for the Son of God to “become flesh and dwell among us.” Ultimately, intellectual work of this sort is its own reward, because it is focussed on before whom all hearts are open.
Mark Noll, The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind

While I may not get there, it is something for me to bear in mind.

Notes from The Mystery of Providence

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 06-03-2010

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And as to the service of God, if your heats are spiritual, you may enjoy much communion with God in your very employments, and you have some intervals and respites for that purpose. Have you not more spare hours than you employ to that end? – pg78

Sin brought in sweat (Gen 3:19), but now, not to sweat increases sin. He that lives idly cannot live honestly, as is plainly enough intimated (1 Thess 4:11-12). – pg77

Do not be slothful and idle in your vocations…The command to Adam (Gen 3:19) no doubt reaches all his posterity, and Gospel-commands bind it upon Christians (Rom 12:11, 1 Thess 4:11). If you are negligent, you cannot be innocent. -pg79

And yet do not be so intent upon your particular callings as to make them interfere with your general calling. Beware you do not lose your God in the crowd and hurry of earthly business. -pg79

Remember always the success of your callings and earthly employments is by divine blessing, not human dilligence. “Be thou shalt remember the Lord thy God; for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth’ (Deut 8:18). The devil himself was so far orthodox as to acknowledge it: ‘Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? Thou hast blessed the work of his hands’ (Job 1:10). Recommend therefore your affairs to God in prayer. ‘Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass’ (Ps 37:4-5). And do not meddle with that which you cannot recommend to God in prayer for a blessing. pg77-80

Be well satisfied in that station and employment in which Providence has placed you, and do not so much as wish yourself in another. ‘Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called’ (1 Cor 7:20). Providence is wiser than you, and you may be confident it has suited all things better to your eternal good that you could do had you been left to your own option. pg 80

It pleases the Lord often to try and exercise His people this way, and make them cry: ‘How long, Lord, how long?’ (Ps 12:1-2). These delays, both for spiritual and temporal reasons, are frequent, and when they befall us we are too apt to interpret them as denials, and fall into a sinful despondency of mind, although there is no cause at all for it (Ps 31:12, Lam 3:8,44). It is not always that the return of prayer are despatched to us in the same hour they are asked of God; yet sometimes it falls out so (Isa 65:24, Da 9:23). But though the Lord means to perform for us the mercies we desire, yet He will ordinarily exercise to wait for them, and that for these reasons: 1. Our time is not the proper season for us to receive our mercies in. 2. Afflictive providences have not accomplished that design upon our heart they were sent for when we are so earnest and impatient for a change of them; and till then the rod must not be taken off (Isa 10:12) pg 138-9

It is usually found in the experience of all the saints that in whatever ordinance or duty they have any conscious communion with God, it naturally produces in their spirits a deep abasement and humiliation from the sense of divine condescension to such vile poor worms as we are. Thus Abraham, ‘which am but dust and ashes’ (Gen 18:27). the same effect follows our converse with God in His providences. Thus when God had in the way of His providence prospered Jacob, how does he lay himself at the feet of God, as a man overwhelmed with the sense of mercy! ‘I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth with thou hast shown they servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan, and now I am become two bands’ (Gen 32:10). Thus also it was with David: ‘Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?’ (2 Sam 7:18). And I doubt not but some of your have found the same frame of heart upon you that these holy men here expressed. Can you not remember when God lifted you up by providence, how you cast down yourself before Him and have been viler in your own eyes than ever! Why, thus do all gracious hearts. What am I, that the Lord should do thus and thus for me! O that ever so great and holy a God should thus be concerned for so vile and sinful a worm! pg 145

Does God perform all things for His people? Do not distrust Him when new or great difficulties arise. Why should you think He that has done so many things for you will now do no more? Surely, ‘the Lord’s hand is not shortened that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy that it cannot hear’ (Isa 59:1); if anything put a stop to His mercy, it is your iniquities, your distrust and infidelity. ‘How long will it be ere you believe him?’ If a thousand and ten thousand trials and experiences of His tender care, faithfulness and love will cure this unbelief in you,you have them at hand to do it. If the infrequent confutations of this your distrust by the unexpected breakings-out of mercy for you under like discouragements will cure it, look back and you may see them. Certainly you have been often forced by Providence with shame and repentance to retract your rash censure of His care; and yet will you fall into the same unbelieving state again? O that you would once learn this great truth, that no man evre lacked that mercy which he did not lack a heart to trust and wait quietly upon God for. You never yet sought God in vain, except when you sought Him vainly. – pg183

We may conclude our afflictions to be sanctified, and to come from the love of God to us, when they do not alienate our hearts from God, but inflame our love to Him…A wicked man finds his heart rising against God when He smites him, but a gracious heart cleaves the closer to Him – pg202

The wicked through the pride of his countenance will not seek after God; God is not in all his thoughts (Ps 10:3-4). Here you see Providence may give men ‘their hearts’ desire,’ and yet they never once open their desires to God in prayer about it. -pg 204

Hezekiah was a good man, but yet his weakness and corruption was betrayed by the alterations Providence made upon his conditions. When sickness and pains summoned him to the grave, what bitter complaints and despondencies are recorded (Isa 38)! And when Providence lifted him up again into a prosperous condition, what ostentation and vain-glory did he show (Isa 39:2)! David had more than a common stock of inherent grace, yet not enough to keep him in an evenness of spirit under great alterations. (Ps 30:6-7)…Paul is truly rich in grace whose riches or poverty neither hinders the acting or impoverishes the stock of his graces. -pg207

These gifts of Providence (riches, prosperity) are common to the worst of men, and are no special distinguishing fruits of God’s love. The vilest of men have been filled even to satiety with these thing. ‘Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish’ (Psa 73:7) -pg 208

Deeply consider the sinfulness and vanity of torturing your own thoughts about the issues of doubtful providences. There is much sin in so doing, for all our anxious and agitated emotions, what are they other than the immediate outcome and fruits of pride and unbelief? There is not a greater display of pride in the world than in the contests of our wills with the will of God. It is a presumptuous invading of God’s prerogative to dictate to His providence and prescribe to His wisdom. -pg 216

Think how repugnant an unsubmissive attitude is both to your prayers and professions.

You pray that the will of God may be done on earth as it is in heaven, and yet when it seems contrary to your will or interest, you struggle or fret against it. You profess to heave committed your souls to His keeping, and to leave your eternal concerns in His hands, and yet cannot commit things infinitely less valuable unto Him. How contradictory are these things!

You profess as Christians to be led by the Spirit, but this practice shows you follow the perverse counsels of your own spirits. O then, regret no more, dispute no more, but lie down meekly at your Father’s feet, and say in all cases and at all times, ‘The will of the Lord be done.’ – pg 218

Advent 2009

Posted by Vee | Posted in General | Posted on 13-12-2009

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Alright, it’s already the 3rd week Advent, but unlike previous years, I can’t seem to feel the atmosphere of this festive season. As a byproduct, I don’t really look forward to Christmas this year. Even though I attended a few in the past 4 years, this year, I’ll rather stay at home. The human emotion is really complex and I can’t pinpoint exactly what is wrong. All I can say is that after a year without Christmas parties, or rather, after experiencing how parties can be a way to socialize to pick people’s brain, I have formed different expectations of how parties should be run! Never had I attended a party that I felt so comfortable, so at ease, than the one at Povo. And I don’t even know anyone there! Christmas parties here are stressful events. I face difficulties enjoying myself almost every single time.

Of course there are fears echoed by some of my friends that I’ll turn into a social recluse. I don’t know. I guess I can’t be bothered now. I’ll just go for some where I won’t be expected to do much. I just want to enjoy. I need a break.

Christmas gift? Who cares. I’ll just buy myself a book. It’s just much much wiser not to expect anything from people.