Why not ask God to make those who love Him want to help the little children whom He loves, instead of asking help from those who perhaps don’t love Him
- Amy Carmichael

To stand on the knife blade can only be accomplished on the basis of the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ, through moment by moment faith, in the power of hte Spirit.

When problems arise, our natural tendency indeed is to become discourage and then to neglect all the things of the Lord. This is our natural reaction, and it is only as we grow in spiritual things and rest upon the Lord day by day that we gradually come to that opposite reaction, that as the difficulties arise, we would place these more and more in the Lord’s hands and really stay closer to him because of the difficulties.

It is overwhelming important to realize that sin does block the blessing – whether that sin is in our individual life or in the organization and work in which we area. This being the case, we must be very very scrupulous in bringing our sin, and the sin of our organization as a whole, under the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ by faith, when those sins occur. Thus we must learn increasingly to flee to the cross when these things come in upon us. (For the future, realizing how heinous sin is in the christian’s life, learn to cry immediately for the power of the finished work of Jesus whenever temptation arrives.)

Since the Fall, all nature is abnormal, but God still works in his common grace to give sunshine and rain to the lost, but still unjudged, world of men. In this natural work of God, when a thing is dead, it is dead, and there is no hope. But it is not so in the spiritual work of God. In this, the love of God transcends all natural expectancies. And you, in your present spiritual life, are a result of that endless and boundless love of God to us – as that which was dead, but which in Christi is now alive.

Faith is bowing before God. Emotion in Christianity can be right or it can be wrong. We should have emotions as a result of knowing how much God loves us and knowing we belong to him. But the emotion can never be the basis of our faith. The basis of our faith is the content of the Bible; the emotion should be a natural result. (It is not about worshipping God after learning all about God) but He does say that we are to love Him enough to study the Bible to know what He has to say.

The Bible does make plain that we either area a Christian or we are not a Christian – we have either accepted Christ as our Saviour or we have not. There are no other way that even God could provide a way of salvation except by Jesus paying the price for the guilt of our sin. It is not that He chose this way arbitararily, but it was the only way which fulfilled the holiness of God and at the same time the love of God.

The best exegesis of the sin against the Holy Spirit is that it pertains to those who consciously and consistenly resist the work of the Holy Spirit, in His drawing power in their lives.

Things that will help us to grow closer to the God.

1. A continued and careful living in the Bible
2. Prayer. A rather long period set aside for prayer, and also a habit of prayer in the midst of doing things, in which we suddenly speak to God not only of needs, but telling Him we believe Him and the promises He has given us in the Bible about Himself and his care for us.
3. Talking to other people about Christ
4. Fellowship with other Christians. It was necessary to create Eve so that there would be a horizontal relationship with another human being.

The church should have real Biblical content; two, there should be a reality of giving honest answers to honest questions; three, there should be real spirituality involved; and four, there should be an orthodoxy of community in the group.

No one but hte Lord Himself can tell you what to do with your life. There are no formula given in the Bible which we may follow mechanically to know the Lord’s will. It is a matter of taking one step at a time, as the Lord opens the door before us. One could consider Abraham who was led by both a vision and open communication from God. Moses was led in a number of ways, including the cloud which moved before Israel. But there are also cases in the Scripture where God’s people were led in a less specific fashion. [Some have suggested] that leading should always be a sort of streak of lightning from the sky. Of course, God can lead as He wishes, and sometimes the leading is a spectacular as that. But very often His leading is very quiet; and as I have said, in much life we can lead our lives within the circle of the commands of Scripture.

There are two things to be leaned against simultaneously: the first is living as though God did not exist and as though He could not or would not lead us; the second is living as though God’s leading were almost magic without any use of the mind.

Take the Fall and the present abnormality of the world with practical comprehension and seriousness. Everything is abnormal today, and that much of the sickness and in the world and sorrows in the world and sorrows in other areas are a result of this abnormality. (Standing at the tomb of Lazarus, God was angry at the abnormality of death without being angry at Himself.) It was man’s rebellion against God that brought the abnormality and that still continues to spew it forth in our society, even in our own choices.

There are certain things which are given as absolutely sinful in the Scripture, and these things we as Christians should not do …. But then everything else is spiritual… all these things are spiritua if they are done within the circle of what is taught in Scripture, looking to the Lord day by day for His help. Everything is spiritual because the Lord made everything, and Christ died to redeem everything.

Worldliness is seeing anything in life from a materialistic perspective – that is from a perspective which makes the material world the final reality and in which man’s finite wisdom (rather than the Scripture) is everything.

He can heal, and yet at the same time we must not demand to be healed; and we must be realistic that what seems to be a complete healing sometimes proves not to be.

The Westminster Confession of Faith: in the case of adultery or in the case of desertion which cannot be healed (and especially if the one who walks away is a non-Christian walking away from a Christian), the individual then has a right for divorce and for remarriage.

2 dangers: Antinomianism teaches that since we are saved by the blood of Christ plus nothing, therefore after we are saved it does not matter how we live. The opposite danger, is asceticism, which is the devaluation of the whole man – theoretically to enhance the spiritual portion of man. This devaluation of the whole man be be the devaluation of the intellect, the artistic, or the physical. When men forget is that God made the whole man, and no part of man is inherently sinful. Each of the parts of man can be sinful, and in a fallen world, even for Christians, there is no perfection in this life in any portions of our lives. Therefore, we must continually bring our failure in any part of our life under the blood of Christ for forgiveness. And at the same time we must ask Christ to bring forth His fruit in all parts of our life. The idea that the ‘spiritual’ is high while the intellectual or physical is low is not Biblical Christianity.

We have a right to love ourselves and even have a duty to do so, because we have been made with value, as God Himself made us in His own image.

We love the whole woman and not a part of the woman; nor do we break her up in pieces of our relationship. The man loves the woman, and the woman loves the man; and in the man-woman relationship this includes the sexual intercourse. This is the way God meant it to be. It is no thtat there is something high and holy and pure in the area of the spirit, and that the other is just a biological necessity in order to have children.

I somehow have a hack for crossing the line, but more frequently for the wrong reason than not. The feeling that I have done something that might be a tat inappropriate happened yesterday. I guess it’s one part an eruption of a problems suppressed for too long – Pris once remarked that I may be experiencing disappointments with God. I know I should not even be entitled to such a feeling, but I honestly don’t know. 5 months on, I find myself reading one of ‘The Letters..’ and crying. What the heck is wrong with me? Is it a resonance of the problems I face? I can only guess and pray for enlightenment.

For some strange reasons, I decided to on some research on the family members of the person who wrote the book. I have great respect for him, the theories he came up with. However, after what I read about his children, that night I cried, and in fact prayed to sleep. The next day, I almost couldn’t read his book without doubting his sincerity. But God in the process did bring me back to 1 verse in the Bible. It’s found in 1 Kings 2, on parenting. I’m glad He brought solace through that.

Yet, the damage has been done. I wrote an email to someone, maybe even including some details which I shouldn’t have. I didn’t know this person’s relation to another, and neither do I know that this person is the brother of some big shot. I’m certain that he is happy that I don’t know that his brother is a big shot. But unfortunately, I kind of suspected something and today, the truth came out. I think I must have been the most disrespectful young person who challenges an old man in a way most unimaginable. I have been honest, but it may not be right. God please repair the damages that I have caused.

What goes up must come down. Likewise, after the climax has been reached, the anticlimax will be up next. I guess I’m feeling that right now. Culture shock, withdrawal syndrome, burnout. It comes every time I pump in great effort towards a passion, a cause, a project, with all my heart, with all my strength, with all my soul.

I don’t feel like doing anything about it right now, even though there are things to touch up. I feel that I have tried my best for the collective good, to provide resources for people, to make it as successful as possible. At times, I am misunderstood, or not heard, or ignored. I am not upset about it. I think it can happen anytime and everywhere. It’s just, I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have my dreams and aspirations.

I also can envisage what it takes to make it successful.

I am a forgotten person, which is just as well, because I rather not have praises and acknowledgments. I prefer not to. It wouldn’t bring me any inch closer to what I desire. Only the great I Am can.

I just hope that what Jo wished for me would come true this year.

Buon anno a tutti! Auguri! speciale per John Barrs, Vanessa Belmonte e Rinns.

The frustrations I felt on the last day of 2008 melted away as I watched a movie, was reminded totally of the Rinns, and as I looked at the stars on my way back home. Last year at this time, I was fighting the cold, to watch fireworks and stars on top of a mountain. At midnight. This year, I just had to do something special.

I’m glad I went for the movie for it got me thinking. While I know that God isn’t tugging my heart in the direction of going into the harvest fields, He reminded me of some of my thoughts and dreams. I know that my God isn’t one who wants me to do things that I know I will not like eventually. God gave us a mind to exercise common sense too. He also gave us passions and desires, which seem to be an enigma because we experience it, have some form of control over it, but we ultimately should surrender it to Him. I know there’s a strong desire to get trained, to lay my hands on those books I so desire to read but am totally constrained right now. On the other hand, there is a feeling of wasted opportunities in Europe. It’s not of guilt, but rather, should I be given a similar opportunity in future, I want to make full use of it.

Today, as I translated some lines of an Italian/English song titled ‘Prayer’ or ‘Preghiera’ to Emily, I am reminded of a random thought I had just on Sunday. I was also amazed at my ability to translate some despite being rather lousy at the language…in fact, only sing those songs on Sunday but only understand 1% of the sermon in Italian.

It was a year of adventure with the Lord and I thank Him for it. My relationship with Him now is just different. For the better I hope. My desire and hope come from these words:

Would these things have perished from the memory of man, had it not been for him? The Gospel could not have been written save by him who leaned on Jesus’ breast. It can be understood only by those who lean on Jesus’ breast.” [Warfield, "The Gospel of John," Selected Shorter Writings, ii, 645-646]

Yes, I’m working on the new church website. I know I have been working on it for a long while, but unfortunately, this vacation is probably my busiest. Busiest not because I have a lot to do, but I have a lot to think about – 3D models, assumptions, what to test, how to test them, how to use the software. The list goes on. Finally, when I was just a little ahead of schedule, I could spend time to create the website as it would look like as you would see it your web browser. It was then that headache struck. But whatever it is, God deserves all the glory for bringing me thus far. It isn’t the first time I experience a headache while working on the church website. In addition, I have forgotten a lot about programming. I spent one night to get the header out, 1 hour just to get the navigation out. Of course I test them on different platforms, but still, I think I’m slow. Then there’s a lot of tweaks here and there to make them look exactly the way I want it. I don’t think it’s a very easy design. On the contray, the looks are semmingly deceiving, but I thank God for the ideas and techniques to bring them to look presentable. He is also very interesting because through Him, a friend enquired about churches in London, and while getting the addresses and service timings out for Him, I saw IPC Ealing, which led me to be very very touched. Souls are won through friendships and persistent prayer, and I’m glad IPC Ealing is moving into hospitality as a ministry.

This might sound like a self-deprecating entry, but it will exist because I need a platform to think aloud some issues.

I am not exactly an extrovert. I am mildly extroverted, as I like to hang around people and I tend to sort things out loud (which explains this blog). But I am very comfortable working alone, as I can have greater control over my time, and direction of the project. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy group work; I had some very successful group projects before, and the working relationship was wonderful.

However, I generally have difficulties mixing with my own peers. I don’t know, there’s just nothing for me to ask, to talk to them about. Whatever that I have learned in leadership, to engage people and involve people, fall flat on my face when it comes to mixing with my peers. Maybe it’s a case of knowing too much, and being too aware that I am very different. Or it could be a fear of competition, of being looked down upon, whatever bad experiences I had in primary school or even kindergarden.

Yet, I know when there’s a bunch of Christians who come visiting a cell group, I just won’t have the tendency to even want to make them feel at home. I wonder about this, because I recall the time when Claire joined the International Bible Study at Trento. It was difficult for me initially, but I took to listening, and then asking questions. We became friends after that and in fact traveled together.

Maybe it’s a case when I see that a clique already exists, and thus I feel they are happy in their own clique, and why should I disturb equilibrium by joining? Group dynamics change whenever someone join or leaves, and I am uncomfortable in groups where I don’t fit in or feel a lot of tension because of my presence. It’s awkward for me I guess.

I think another issue could be that I feel very inferior whenever I see an existing group of second generation Christians. It makes me feel lousy. I don’t think I choose consciously to feel that way, but I recall being jealous of Andre back at Trento. It was difficult to stop myself from doing that, and I had to pray for forgiveness constantly. I don’t know how to explain…I feel as if God short-changed me. Why was my salvation so late? Compared to them who don’t face persecutions like I do, I cry and feel that God hasn’t been fair. A good Christian upbringing helps tremendously but I can’t help but feel I have been disadvantaged forever. I have never been given opportunities to grow like people who grew up in the church, not even opportunities to try out ministries; I have never been loved in a special way from those who saw them grow up. People’s love for me is simply more shallow. Since relationship takes time, a catch up game is never possible.

I guess I also detest it when they think they know everything and tries to offer solutions for the persecutions I face. What do they know about persecutions? What do they know about oppressive parents? If their parents have been good Christians, they won’t know anything. They have simply been shielded, and yes, it is a good thing but since their view are limited, they probably should not offer impractical advice.

It’s also impossible for me to catch up with years of knowledge and understanding of the Lord my same-age peers. It’s just not possible unless I attend seminary. If they started permeating in the truth since they were 2, when children start speaking and can respond and say ‘Amen’, then I’m slow by 18 years.

I have desires to reach an intimate relationship with God. It has always been my aim, but now they seem unattainable. And I know myself, I don’t go after things that I know wouldn’t have a good chance of achieving.

I am a broken man, and this fact trouble me greatly. I have wondered for a long time why I seem to face more problems than the average person does. I spent time with Joel discussing why this has to be so, why has God allowed for this? His response and advice for me to read certain books such as ‘The Wonders of it All’, written by his professor were very helpful in helping me understand the reasons behind what I am going through. We all live in a broken world and our family conditions all differ. My family is not the best, but neither it is the worst, but inevitably some negative traits from my parents have been passed on to me. However, the good news exist for the positive traits that I have picked up. Therefore, the process of growing up requires one to identify negative traits and work on them. No doubt it is not easy, for the Chinese proverb has the saying that even when the mountain has moved, our characteritics still remain the same (江山已改，本性难移）. Perhaps then, this is where the mercies and grace of God can be clearly seen. There which we deserves punishment, he redeemed us and chose work on our character. But the process is not easy. Human beings with their tancity and pride will often think that they have a right to behave whatever way they like. The resistance to change is great. However, a believer ought to have a teachable heart, but pride is a fundamental of all sins and inherent in all our us. The question for us to answer then is, how can we have both a healthy self-esteem but yet humble and giving God all the glory?