1. After spending a whole afternoon running around in circles to find out the shear stress distribution of a circular beam, I realised that I had started off correctly, but a faulty understanding meant that I substituted one of the values wrongly. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to learn from my mistake
2. I am also very thankful I had the opportunity to revisit trigonometry and geometry, although it is only a baby step to regaining my confidence in those two areas of mathematics
3. For being able to trouble shoot the error in my FE simulation
4. For sushi dinner – it makes me happy to be able to eat fish
5. Bought an electric guitar beginners’ book for 3 quids!

I have much to be thankful for:

1. GB for showing me much love and grace, and forgiving me despite the horrible way in which I behaved
2. Her response allowed me to contemplate on the love of God
3. Taking it a step further – I saw how I was like one of those in the crowd; one moment I was welcoming Jesus on Palm Sunday, yet I was part of the same mob that cried for his crucifixion a few days later. Despite the fact that I am guilty of causing His death, He still asked His Father to forgive me, for He believed that I did not know what I was doing.
4. For a wonderful trip to Glasgow – I got to know my colleagues and professor better
5. I found out that the stress and challenges that I face are not unique. For the first time, I do not feel so lonely anymore.
6. I was pretty well fed…I made sure that I was full for each meal
7. My colleagues were impressed with my introduction and gave me feedback to include line drawings of abuse, explain the purpose of the methodology/experiment/simulation…and carry out multi-body simulations.
8. For a Bible in the hostel room. I found time to read part of 1 Peter
9. For WX and BH for inviting me to lunch today, and challenging me to find someone to disciple me here
10. For BH’s thoughtfulness in passing me some second hand boots, down jacket, clothes and lotus leaf!
11. For the time spent with the family. It was through observing the children that I realised that God loves us all but deal with each differently.
12. My handphone is performing better than the first time I tried it. It is now back in dry storage to suck more moisture out.

It’s very difficult to give thanks today in the midst of all the stress and pressures, but

1. After getting stuck on a problem for almost the entire afternoon, I worked out an analytical solution for the width of a ring in x-direction
2. Thereafter, I plotted a simple graph to find the variation in this width
3. I came to the conclusion that the transformed ring would have a varying width for all y
4. The result is an enlarged section before the ring ends – which will bear most of the stress – which is what is seen in my analytical results
5. Tomorrow – plot the ring and circle out for purpose of visualization
6. Looking forward to cooking pasta for dinner
7. This goes to show that in the midst of all my troubles, even when God seem silent and distant, He is still there to help.

1. For the completion of a set of simulations

2. For being able to sort out the data and plot out the graphs

3. For rental decrease, even though it’s short-lived

4. For a happy problem of which 3rd tenant to choose

5. For friends to help me out with formal letter writing in Chinese

6. For completing some studies on bending effects on two materials.

7. For being able to work from first principles the Moments of Inertia of simple objects

8. For a friend who met up with me for tea.

1.  For being open and bold enough to strike up a conversation with a M&S staff

2. For creativity to mix leftover – pork loin and bean sprout – with a discounted noodle salad to cook up a proper dinner

3. For my friend AT, who is so willing to help me save my bro Blade

4. For a full day of simulation at work

5. For my collaborator, whom I found out is a consultant, but very willing to answer my question.

6. For quick-thinking that allowed me to find 5 packets of silica gel.

1.  For being well enough to get to church. That in itself is an act of worship and obedience

2. For an increasing and improving appetite

3. A reduction in pain from the swelling on my head

4. Seeing some sense of life in my droid

I had a somewhat unproductive day in school. I tried very hard to understand strain transformation, but I still do not have a good grasp of that topic despite having worked on it since Monday afternoon. I’m just glad I’m moving on to failure theories because that is more directly related to my work.  Hence I pray that I may be ale to concentrate tomorrow.

Part of the reason why I found it hard to concentrate was because I was troubled by the delivery of a product I ordered. The good was shipped last Friday, and if all goes well, it should arrive today. However, there has not been any emails or calls so far. By right, I should not have sent it to school, but I thought it could be alright as it is after all a computer product.

I know the Holy Spirit spoke in various ways to assure me that it will arrive. That was done through my sister, and then later He reminded me of how I received an earlier parcel from Singapore. I suppose I do look forward to receiving this thing I ordered, for I know God provided for it, but yet at the same time I remain scared.

So it’s strange that I could thank God for providing it, but now I feel anxious over whether I will receive it or that someone else would sign for it and take it away instead.

Since I had trouble concentrating, I ended work on time and headed over to Uniqlo to see if I can pick up cheap deals again. I saw a trench coat at 29.90 GBP. The price isn’t bad but I wasn’t convinced that it would look good on me. Furthermore, the garment is made from polyester, which isn’t the most effective material to counter the cold. As I left the shop without buying anything, I thought I would go window shop at GAP and M&S.

There wasn’t anything appealing at GAP. The price is also too high for my liking so I didn’t spend much time at the shop. Next to GAP is H&M, a shop which I have never entered before. I never thought much of H&M. I think someone told me that H&M doesn’t produce clothes of good quality, and from their advertisements, I didn’t like their style honestly. Yet, I remembered that Stacey said that she enjoys shopping at H&M. I thought if someone as petite as Stacey could find something at H&M, I might as well step into the shop to familiarize myself with H&M’s style.

It didn’t take me long before I saw a section of 10 and 15 GBP offers. In less than 5 minutes, I picked out 3 coats that I think would fit me, and of decent quality and style. I tried them on and settled for 2.

The first that I tried was a straight overcoat. It made me look very professional. My heart almost melted then. If there’s ever a need to go for conferences, this overcoat would do. It’s just a pity that it’s made from cotton and viscose. In addition, because it’s of a straight cut, it doesn’t enhance my feature, but make me look quite serious. Haha.

The next one I tried is a hooded mix wool jacket.  It’s more precisely an anorak or duffle coat. I was shocked that it fitted perfectly and made me look really youthful. I have always found it so difficult to shop for clothes, and more so in London. Yet as I tried it on, it felt almost as if it was tailored made for it.

As I stood wondering at God’s provision suddenly, it seems like He had known all along my need for a proper jacket.  I had survived on a thin sports jacket throughout winter and at times it interfered with my own identity because the boy’s jacket make me look more like a lesbian. I didn’t like that, but for my own safety, I didn’t think it was wise to wear my pink sports jacket.

Just as I reflected why God would still want to provide for my needs, I was overwhelmed that I did nothing to deserve all these mercies. I had been terribly sinful, disobedient and indeed I am still struggling to see the goodness of God. I have had deep and difficult spasms of doubts in God that almost drove me to the point of despair. I honestly do not deserve any blessing from God, and yet He made available not one, but two coats.

As I reflected further, the thought that I should not question God’s timing came up. Who am I, a mere mortal to question His perfect will? Who am I to know the other plans He has for mankind? Who am I to think that I know better than God?

To juxtapose with the event in the afternoon, I was almost consumed by anxiety over the delivery and status of my goods. It seem to expose once again my lack of trust. If it’s in His will for me to get it, I will. If it’s not, no matter what I do I will not get it. And if I do not get it, it doesn’t mean that God will not provide again in future. It also doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love me. It  simply means that it’s either not good for me to have it or that it’s not time for me to have it yet.

This is a severe mercy, considering that I struggled to cope in winter. Yet, He showed me that while I was totally undeserving of any form of help as a sinner, He reached out His hand to pull me up, and to provide for one of my most basic needs.