In a hedonistic world, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would struggle with this issue. I may be self-centered or even selfish at times, but to be kind to myself? That concept doesn’t really seem to exist. From young, I have always been taught that it’s only right to put nation before community and society above self. I have always lived by that. I can remember being helpful since primary school, and I would go to the extend of helping people even if it means inconveniencing myself. I suppose that is where my sense of altruism came from. I also liked stories of Chinese heroes who laid down their lives for their countries. There is something noble and right in serving and giving of all for the greater community good.
Now as a follower of the way, I can’t help but notice that there many verses in the Bible that implies and assumes that believers first love themselves, but now we are to move beyond ourselves and care for others. The fact that Jesus did not reject the concept of healthy self-love explicitly suggests to me that it may be right to love oneself. Afterall, we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and we are to live our lives in a way that glorifies God. Futhermore, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. If we are not good stewards in taking care of our bodies, then how can we be good stewards in taking care of His household, the church? ‘For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it.’
We are commanded to love our neighbour as ourselves. If one can’t love oneself, how much of love can he or she show his/her neighbour? A person who eats only reduced to clear and discounted food will find it hard to bring himself to buy good things to bless another person. Likewise, a self-critical person is unlikely to be lenient or forgiving with others.
From another point of view, the concept of love is closely tied to the 10th commandment, ‘Do not covet’. The constant desire to be like someone else, or to have certain traits, with the exception of character traits, bellies a belief that one would be a better creator than God himself. That is idolatry, or it is perceiving God not how He is truly like; and harboring faulty views of the nature of God. Clearly, it would lead to problems later on with regards to God’s goodness, faithfulness and love.
Yet, this isn’t an invitation to love others only after one has learned to love oneself. They are to go hand and in hand. But I have lived much of my life learning to give to others, and perhaps not doing anything special for myself. I suppose I have led a pretty ascetic lifestyle thus far. I looked back at how I tried to brace through winter with little, and non-effective clothes, because I refused to spend above a certain budget to buy clothes to keep warm. I get hungry easily but I did not increase my uptake. The consequence is that I became miserable and ultimately slipped into depression.
But do I deserve to love myself? I am a gnostic and I find it hard to answer yes to that question.
